9/11 Remembered

I'm sure everyone is remembering where they were and what they were doing five years ago today. We were living in San Diego and I was in the midst of a week-long pity party for myself. I had just learned I was pregnant and I was depressed. I couldn't imagine how I was going to take care of another baby (by myself, as Mike was already scheduled to deploy in January) with the full plate I already had. I cried for a week. And then I got up on that Tuesday morning and saw the news on CNN.com and suddenly my problems didn't seem so all-consuming any more.

I kept my kids home with me that day. Mike called and told me to not send them to school. My next-door neighbor came over and we sat together, glued to the television, all day long. Mike didn't come home that night or the next. The ship was locked down and no one went anywhere. I slept on the couch with the TV on, waking several times during those two nights to watch the latest news and assure myself I hadn't missed another attack.

Life slowly returned to normal for all of us, but it was a new normal. Where I used to switch to CNN for a few quick minutes to see what was happening in the world, I now watched it all day long, every day. It's a habit I still haven't really given up. Mike's deployments, while never routine, took on a new meaning and a new fear. We hugged our kids a little bit tighter each morning and each night at bedtime.

Five years later, I found myself telling Micah what happened on September 11, 2001. To my utter surprise, he hadn't a clue. Most likely it's just Micah's natural obliviousness, but I can't help but feel we haven't done enough remembering here.

But how can that be? I have not forgotten. My husband has not forgotten. I guess we've shielded our kids from the unpleasantness and fear, but maybe that wasn't the right thing to do. We'll spend some more time remembering tonight, talking about the heroes of September 11-from firefighters to pilots to airline passengers to bystanders. And we'll never forget.