Micah (to Daddy): I wonder how much is in a crapload?
Micah (to Mom): Isn't it illegal to kiss someone else's mom?
Aaron (after Doc ran out the front door): I'm glad he's gone. I'm sick of that mangy mutt. He gives me a headache when he barks all the time.
Micah (to Aaron, the night before my birthday): Aaron, we can't put 33 candles on the cake! We'll burn the whole house down!
Aaron (to Mom): When I'm a Dad then I can say shit! (And yes, he did say it while telling me that, which called for another explanation of why you can't say that word, even when you're talking about that word.)
Aaron (in response to me singing the song "Tell Me Something Good" this morning while picking up the house): "Nana's coming tomorrow. And I love you!"
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Friday, May 18, 2007
The Post-Birthday Report
Yesterday I turned 33. I don't feel any older (thank God) and, according to Micah, I don't look old because I have no gray hair and no wrinkles (again, thank God).
I got a beautiful pendant for my birthday from Meircee, and Mike and the kids spoiled me. Mike took Micah along with him to shop for me (I thought they were just going to get a cake). They came home with yellow and white daisies in a bright yellow happy face mug (Micah has always had a thing for happy faces LOL) and gorgeous sapphire earrings. Micah told me as I was opening the earrings that they cost more than $100 (he has no qualms about telling you what "he" spent). Mike later told me Micah wanted to buy me a fake flower so I "could have it forever," but then the smiley face mug caught his eye from practically across the store. ;)
This morning, Micah himself told me that Dad didn't want me to have fake diamonds, but the real diamonds were really expensive. "Mom, some of them cost more than $1,000!" I get the feeling there was a little debate at the jewelry counter of the NEX, with Micah lobbying for the shiny fake diamonds and Daddy trying to explain why fake is never a good idea if you enjoy your sex life (without mentioning said sex life, that is). Never fear, I explained to him that you never (ever, ever, ever) buy fake diamonds for a woman. When he asked why I told him that you just DON'T, that it's a rule. I also told him that if you really love a woman you will save your money for months and months to buy her real, expensive diamonds instead of cheap fakes. With Micah's tendency to be literal at all times, in all things, I think his future girlfriends and wife are now safe from cubic zirconium and cut glass (Emily, take note-he may be a pain in other respects, but you won't have to school him in jewelry-buying).
Oh-my cake was a devil's food with cookies and cream icing and pieces of Oreos. Micah also chose this, but I bet you already knew that! I got a few bites and let the kids enjoy the rest.
I got a beautiful pendant for my birthday from Meircee, and Mike and the kids spoiled me. Mike took Micah along with him to shop for me (I thought they were just going to get a cake). They came home with yellow and white daisies in a bright yellow happy face mug (Micah has always had a thing for happy faces LOL) and gorgeous sapphire earrings. Micah told me as I was opening the earrings that they cost more than $100 (he has no qualms about telling you what "he" spent). Mike later told me Micah wanted to buy me a fake flower so I "could have it forever," but then the smiley face mug caught his eye from practically across the store. ;)
This morning, Micah himself told me that Dad didn't want me to have fake diamonds, but the real diamonds were really expensive. "Mom, some of them cost more than $1,000!" I get the feeling there was a little debate at the jewelry counter of the NEX, with Micah lobbying for the shiny fake diamonds and Daddy trying to explain why fake is never a good idea if you enjoy your sex life (without mentioning said sex life, that is). Never fear, I explained to him that you never (ever, ever, ever) buy fake diamonds for a woman. When he asked why I told him that you just DON'T, that it's a rule. I also told him that if you really love a woman you will save your money for months and months to buy her real, expensive diamonds instead of cheap fakes. With Micah's tendency to be literal at all times, in all things, I think his future girlfriends and wife are now safe from cubic zirconium and cut glass (Emily, take note-he may be a pain in other respects, but you won't have to school him in jewelry-buying).
Oh-my cake was a devil's food with cookies and cream icing and pieces of Oreos. Micah also chose this, but I bet you already knew that! I got a few bites and let the kids enjoy the rest.
Friday, May 11, 2007
The Truth about Laundry
1. The Laundry Defect
Amazingly, every member of my family except me lacks the special ability to see dirty laundry. Yes, it's true. I call it the laundry defect. At least once a week I send the kids upstairs to bring their hampers down. Inevitably, the hampers come down about half full. I then go upstairs and fill two freaking baskets of things they missed. They apparently never think to look in the bathrooms or even, for that matter, on their own bedroom floors. If it's not in the hamper it must not need to be washed, hmmm?
2. The Breeding Factor
Anyone who has ever done laundry knows about the Breeding Factor. This is the phenomena that unfailingly causes your laundry pile to double-or even triple-overnight. It has no known cause. If you drop a single dirty t-shirt into the empty laundry hamper before bed, by the time you wake up in the morning it will have grown into three shirts, a pair of jeans and one sock (I'll get to the sock thing later). I'm working on a laundricide right now (you know, pesticide for laundry). You'll hear more about this as soon as I get my patent.
3. The Sock Monster
Contrary to what your mother told you when you were a child, monsters do exist. They feed on socks exclusively. And they only eat one at a time. And they are obsessive-compulsive, so the socks must not come from the same pair. Unfortunately, the Sock Monster does not rule out the Breeding Factor.
4. The Invisible Stain
Yes, this one is tricky. I check the clothes carefully before I put them in the washer with the intention of using the Spray N Wash to banish any and all stains. When none are found I wash and dry the load. And I always find at least one stain that was invisible until the garment was washed. I'm beginning to think it's a conspiracy. We all know that once that garment has been in the dryer that stain is never coming out. And yet, it apparently didn't even occur until the garment was in the wash. Hmmm......
5. Drawer Deficiency
I've become convinced that there is no reason for me to be all caught up on laundry because there is simply not enough room in my house to store all the clean clothes. I can do one load of laundry and the drawers are full. Where the heck am I supposed to put the other four loads? Hell, why bother to do them at all if there's nowhere to put them???
6. The Hand Washing Myth
Don't buy into this. Unless it's cashmere, throw it into a lingerie bag and wash in cold water on the delicate cycle. If it's cashmere you should be able to afford dry cleaning (I have no cashmere and I don't even know where the dry cleaner is in this town). This rule was created by some misogynistic man who loves to see women slumped over the bathroom sink trying to get all the damn Woolite bubbles out of her silk blouse without creating wrinkles.
7. Abundant Hampers
If you have many hampers you will always feel like you're winning the laundry battle. Truly, if you have six hampers and only three of them are full you're doing great, aren't you? I have five hampers and two baskets. Four are full right now. I'm still winning. Go now to Target and buy at least two more baskets. You'll probably never fill them, thus you will, from now on, always feel like you're more on top of things.
Amazingly, every member of my family except me lacks the special ability to see dirty laundry. Yes, it's true. I call it the laundry defect. At least once a week I send the kids upstairs to bring their hampers down. Inevitably, the hampers come down about half full. I then go upstairs and fill two freaking baskets of things they missed. They apparently never think to look in the bathrooms or even, for that matter, on their own bedroom floors. If it's not in the hamper it must not need to be washed, hmmm?
2. The Breeding Factor
Anyone who has ever done laundry knows about the Breeding Factor. This is the phenomena that unfailingly causes your laundry pile to double-or even triple-overnight. It has no known cause. If you drop a single dirty t-shirt into the empty laundry hamper before bed, by the time you wake up in the morning it will have grown into three shirts, a pair of jeans and one sock (I'll get to the sock thing later). I'm working on a laundricide right now (you know, pesticide for laundry). You'll hear more about this as soon as I get my patent.
3. The Sock Monster
Contrary to what your mother told you when you were a child, monsters do exist. They feed on socks exclusively. And they only eat one at a time. And they are obsessive-compulsive, so the socks must not come from the same pair. Unfortunately, the Sock Monster does not rule out the Breeding Factor.
4. The Invisible Stain
Yes, this one is tricky. I check the clothes carefully before I put them in the washer with the intention of using the Spray N Wash to banish any and all stains. When none are found I wash and dry the load. And I always find at least one stain that was invisible until the garment was washed. I'm beginning to think it's a conspiracy. We all know that once that garment has been in the dryer that stain is never coming out. And yet, it apparently didn't even occur until the garment was in the wash. Hmmm......
5. Drawer Deficiency
I've become convinced that there is no reason for me to be all caught up on laundry because there is simply not enough room in my house to store all the clean clothes. I can do one load of laundry and the drawers are full. Where the heck am I supposed to put the other four loads? Hell, why bother to do them at all if there's nowhere to put them???
6. The Hand Washing Myth
Don't buy into this. Unless it's cashmere, throw it into a lingerie bag and wash in cold water on the delicate cycle. If it's cashmere you should be able to afford dry cleaning (I have no cashmere and I don't even know where the dry cleaner is in this town). This rule was created by some misogynistic man who loves to see women slumped over the bathroom sink trying to get all the damn Woolite bubbles out of her silk blouse without creating wrinkles.
7. Abundant Hampers
If you have many hampers you will always feel like you're winning the laundry battle. Truly, if you have six hampers and only three of them are full you're doing great, aren't you? I have five hampers and two baskets. Four are full right now. I'm still winning. Go now to Target and buy at least two more baskets. You'll probably never fill them, thus you will, from now on, always feel like you're more on top of things.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Birdie Update
Aaron and I checked on our birdie "friends" today. The one nest is still empty and the other holds five eggs. None have hatched yet. I'm guessing the maker of the other nest was driven off. Or maybe they moved to better digs. I'm sure some other unsuspecting sucker in the neighborhood hung a plant or two. Maybe someone hung a pretty fern (lots of cover there) or a miniature rose (I can only hope the birds got poked a few times.
My plant used to look like this (no this isn't actually my plant, but mine was this lush):
It's now deader than dead. What a disappointment.
My plant used to look like this (no this isn't actually my plant, but mine was this lush):
It's now deader than dead. What a disappointment.
Saturday, May 05, 2007
I Missed It!
I missed posting a special birthday blog for my sister! She turned THIRTY on Wednesday. She's now officially old. Course, it doesn't really matter that I missed it. She has bigger things to worry about. As of this very moment she's exploring the streets of New York City. Yes, the lucky bitch is in New York. And I'm jealous.
She called me earlier from Strand Bookstore. She's going to buy me a tote bag because she loves me (and because I asked nicely).
While she's living it up in The City, I'm sweating my butt off and waiting for yet another rain storm in the Backwoods. Just doesn't seem fair, does it?
Love you anyway, Sis. Happy (late) birthday.
She called me earlier from Strand Bookstore. She's going to buy me a tote bag because she loves me (and because I asked nicely).
While she's living it up in The City, I'm sweating my butt off and waiting for yet another rain storm in the Backwoods. Just doesn't seem fair, does it?
Love you anyway, Sis. Happy (late) birthday.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
What Am I Missing??
What's the deal with Vera Bradley handbags and stuff? I see them everywhere, our Exchange even carries them. No offense to anyone who loves them, but why on earth would I pay $50 (or more) for some purse that looks like my mom might have sewn it herself and carried it back in 1977? (No offense, Mom, but I think you did have one that resembled these. LOL)
Is this something like Crocs? I think these are the ugliest shoes and I don't care how comfortable they are, I wouldn't be caught dead wearing them. Yuck!
My theory is it's like the Emperor's new clothes. Everyone knows these purses and shoes are ugly, but they're all afraid to say it. I'm not. Again, I say, YUCK! Get yourself some Keds and a cute little purse from Target instead.
Is this something like Crocs? I think these are the ugliest shoes and I don't care how comfortable they are, I wouldn't be caught dead wearing them. Yuck!
My theory is it's like the Emperor's new clothes. Everyone knows these purses and shoes are ugly, but they're all afraid to say it. I'm not. Again, I say, YUCK! Get yourself some Keds and a cute little purse from Target instead.
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