I heard a radio disc jockey call Sarah Palin "Caribou Barbie" today and it opened so many doors for me. Can you imagine the marketing possibilities? Caribou Barbie with her husband, The First Dude. It would be like the Sunshine Family
for the new millennium. They could come with a little igloo, a family snowmachine instead of a minivan, and the obligatory his-and-hers M-16s. Of course, the set would have to come with a picture of Russia in the background, since Caribou Barbie can see Russia from her house! And don't forget the kids!!! Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig will be immortalized too, just like Skipper! The whole family can cavort by their very own oil well while they hunt moose and polar bears (who says global warming is what's killing the polar bears, anyway?).
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Monday, September 01, 2008
Local News
And here I thought I got away from the rednecks when I left Tennessee. Not so. Reading this article will prove it. This happened about a mile from my house......
Local News
Local News
Friday, July 25, 2008
Traumatized at Safeway
I was traumatized at Safeway tonight. I seriously doubt I'll ever fully recover. I was standing in line at the pharmacy, waiting to pick up Micah's prescription when it happened. I nearly ran from the store, but those meds are important!
It all started because the woman in line ahead of me had a most interesting dress on. It was hot pink with a butterfly pattern all over it. Yes, it would be a bad dress on anyone, but it was an especially poor choice for someone as large as this woman was. Butterflies all over a hot pink dress. That alone would be enough to scare anyone, but then I saw what I thought was a very weird looking butterfly on the back of the dress.......
On second glance, I realized it was not a butterfly at all. It was a hole in the woman's dress. No wait, that's not a hole, that's several holes. Like five holes. Yes, there were five holes in the back of this woman's dress. They were big enough that I could see her hot pink granny panties and her cottage cheese thighs. I almost puked. It's bad enough seeing your own cottage cheese thighs, but nobody wants to see them on someone else. Especially at the grocery store!
I actually pondered telling her about the holes in her dress, thinking maybe she didn't know about them. I decided that anyone who would wear that dress in the first place wouldn't care about a few well-placed holes and decided to leave it alone.
I'm still suffering flashbacks some 5 hours later and I expect they will continue. I probably have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder now......
It all started because the woman in line ahead of me had a most interesting dress on. It was hot pink with a butterfly pattern all over it. Yes, it would be a bad dress on anyone, but it was an especially poor choice for someone as large as this woman was. Butterflies all over a hot pink dress. That alone would be enough to scare anyone, but then I saw what I thought was a very weird looking butterfly on the back of the dress.......
On second glance, I realized it was not a butterfly at all. It was a hole in the woman's dress. No wait, that's not a hole, that's several holes. Like five holes. Yes, there were five holes in the back of this woman's dress. They were big enough that I could see her hot pink granny panties and her cottage cheese thighs. I almost puked. It's bad enough seeing your own cottage cheese thighs, but nobody wants to see them on someone else. Especially at the grocery store!
I actually pondered telling her about the holes in her dress, thinking maybe she didn't know about them. I decided that anyone who would wear that dress in the first place wouldn't care about a few well-placed holes and decided to leave it alone.
I'm still suffering flashbacks some 5 hours later and I expect they will continue. I probably have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder now......
A. P. B.
The Heathenville Chief of Police (a.k.a. Mommy) has issued an all points bulletin for Froggy B. Froggy was last seen Wednesday night prior to bed time. He has not been seen since. A suspect was heard threatening to stuff Froggy in the toilet. The suspect, who is short, blond and six-years-old denies any knowledge of Froggy's whereabouts. A thorough search has been executed, but Froggy was not found. Froggy is 18 inches tall, has green skin and one eye. He was last seen wearing nothing. If you see Froggy, please call the Heathenville Police Dept.
Monday, July 21, 2008
A Heathenville Moment
When you live in Heathenville, as I do, you learn to never, never let your guard down. Heathens, as has been proven time and time again, are capable of anything imaginable. And even a few things unimaginable.
Today my boys were playing together very nicely. This, in itself, is surprising, but you can only imagine the ice water that flowed through my veins when I heard Micah say to Aaron "Let's build a bomb!"
Now, a typical mother, a mother of non-Heathen children, would probably laugh if she heard those words uttered in her presence. Possibly she would chastise her children for speaking of violence. But that's a typical mother. A mother who is secure in her belief that her children would never knowingly blow anything up. I was terrified.
My very first thought upon hearing those words were "Oh my God, where did they learn how to build bombs?" I'm not kidding. My second thought was "Oh my God, what are they going to blow up?" My third thought? "Can I get to them before they detonate?"
The good news is my kids did not blow anything up. They did build a "bomb," but it was fashioned out of a small baby blanket, balled up and when it was dropped it "exploded." Whew. I'm now going to block Google and all other search engines from our computers, though, just in case they decide they want to learn how to build a real bomb. I don't put anything past my kids.
Today my boys were playing together very nicely. This, in itself, is surprising, but you can only imagine the ice water that flowed through my veins when I heard Micah say to Aaron "Let's build a bomb!"
Now, a typical mother, a mother of non-Heathen children, would probably laugh if she heard those words uttered in her presence. Possibly she would chastise her children for speaking of violence. But that's a typical mother. A mother who is secure in her belief that her children would never knowingly blow anything up. I was terrified.
My very first thought upon hearing those words were "Oh my God, where did they learn how to build bombs?" I'm not kidding. My second thought was "Oh my God, what are they going to blow up?" My third thought? "Can I get to them before they detonate?"
The good news is my kids did not blow anything up. They did build a "bomb," but it was fashioned out of a small baby blanket, balled up and when it was dropped it "exploded." Whew. I'm now going to block Google and all other search engines from our computers, though, just in case they decide they want to learn how to build a real bomb. I don't put anything past my kids.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Summer in the Suburbs
Summer has finally arrived in western Washington. The sun is shining, the flowers are growing and we haven't seen a drop of rain in nearly a month! I know, I know. Everyone who has never lived in Washington thinks it rains all year long (I did too). In reality, it rains from October to May and then it's dry, dry, dry.
My yard is beautiful, thanks to the owners of the house who lived here until we moved in. I planted a couple pots full of annuals this spring, but most of them are dead. Thanks to Heidi and Scott I have hydrangeas, daisies, hollyhocks, echinacea, lavender and clematis. It's gorgeous in my backyard, and even better because I know I don't have to mow it!
My kids are officially bored with summer vacation. They big summer dreams of vacations at Disneyland, shopping, carnivals, parades and more. In reality we went to a parade and they were bored silly. We went to the fireworks on July 4th and they were enchanted, but they were over much too soon. No vacation this summer--gas prices are way too high and I have no desire to drive to Disneyland (or, God forbid, DisneyWORLD) with my three heathens.
We're all counting down the days until we see Mike again. This deployment has seemed especially long, even though I thought it wouldn't be "too bad." See, this is the first deployment in which I am not pregnant or taking care of an infant or toddler. Should be a breeze, right? Turns out, older kids miss Daddy more than babies do, and just because there are no diapers to change doesn't mean Mom gets any kind of break. Sigh. On the bright side, I'm meeting Mike in Hawaii at the end of this deployment for a much-needed vacation. That should make up for a lot.......
My yard is beautiful, thanks to the owners of the house who lived here until we moved in. I planted a couple pots full of annuals this spring, but most of them are dead. Thanks to Heidi and Scott I have hydrangeas, daisies, hollyhocks, echinacea, lavender and clematis. It's gorgeous in my backyard, and even better because I know I don't have to mow it!
My kids are officially bored with summer vacation. They big summer dreams of vacations at Disneyland, shopping, carnivals, parades and more. In reality we went to a parade and they were bored silly. We went to the fireworks on July 4th and they were enchanted, but they were over much too soon. No vacation this summer--gas prices are way too high and I have no desire to drive to Disneyland (or, God forbid, DisneyWORLD) with my three heathens.
We're all counting down the days until we see Mike again. This deployment has seemed especially long, even though I thought it wouldn't be "too bad." See, this is the first deployment in which I am not pregnant or taking care of an infant or toddler. Should be a breeze, right? Turns out, older kids miss Daddy more than babies do, and just because there are no diapers to change doesn't mean Mom gets any kind of break. Sigh. On the bright side, I'm meeting Mike in Hawaii at the end of this deployment for a much-needed vacation. That should make up for a lot.......
Friday, May 23, 2008
The Wonder Diet!
Micah saw his new nurse practitioner yesterday and we had some good news. Micah has gained two pounds since his appointment last month! This is pretty big news, because Micah has been hovering right around sixty pounds for the past three years or so. LOL Turns out the best thing for him is Mommy's Deployment Desperation Diet.
Mommy's Deployment Desperation Diet has three main components: fast, easy, tasty. Now, the tasty is up to interpretation for each child, but for Micah it translates into: pizza rolls, chicken nuggets, ramen noodles and cereal. I do cook real meals and I cook them at least four times per week. The trouble is, at least one kid will find complaint with what I make. Aaron and Micah love lemon pepper chicken, but Marissah hates it. Marissah loves fettuccine Alfredo, but the boys hate it. Marissah and Micah love mini-meatloaves but Aaron hates them. There are only a few things that are "real meals" that they will all three eat: pizza, burgers, macaroni and cheese and spaghetti. Yes, I know, calling those things "real meals" is a bit of a stretch, but I take whatever I can get!
In my dreams I cook up delicious gourmet-like meals (using things like Hamburger Helper and canned tuna) and my kids beg for more. In my reality, I make Hamburger Helper and listen to everyone complain. Is it any wonder I have given up and started making chicken nuggets twice a week?
"Whatever works" has become my philosophy. If that means ramen for breakfast, lunch and dinner, so be it. He's gained TWO WHOLE POUNDS!!!!! Woo hoo!
Mommy's Deployment Desperation Diet has three main components: fast, easy, tasty. Now, the tasty is up to interpretation for each child, but for Micah it translates into: pizza rolls, chicken nuggets, ramen noodles and cereal. I do cook real meals and I cook them at least four times per week. The trouble is, at least one kid will find complaint with what I make. Aaron and Micah love lemon pepper chicken, but Marissah hates it. Marissah loves fettuccine Alfredo, but the boys hate it. Marissah and Micah love mini-meatloaves but Aaron hates them. There are only a few things that are "real meals" that they will all three eat: pizza, burgers, macaroni and cheese and spaghetti. Yes, I know, calling those things "real meals" is a bit of a stretch, but I take whatever I can get!
In my dreams I cook up delicious gourmet-like meals (using things like Hamburger Helper and canned tuna) and my kids beg for more. In my reality, I make Hamburger Helper and listen to everyone complain. Is it any wonder I have given up and started making chicken nuggets twice a week?
"Whatever works" has become my philosophy. If that means ramen for breakfast, lunch and dinner, so be it. He's gained TWO WHOLE POUNDS!!!!! Woo hoo!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Field Trip with the Demon Spawn
Today was Aaron's class trip to the Seattle Aquarium. We had a wonderful time, in spite of the little heathen who was assigned to me to chaperon. No, I'm not talking about Aaron, who has been known to have his heathenly moments. No, this child I will call Mikey. As in "Mikey doesn't like it." Because this kid didn't like it. Not any of it.
I've never met Mikey before, but I was pretty pleased that the teacher had enough chaperons that we only each had two kids to watch out for. With five- and six-year-olds any more than two is just awful.
Once at the aquarium, I got the boys' name tags on and advised them that they had to stay near me; I wanted them to be able to see me and me to see them. Apparently this went in one ear and out the other, as you can imagine. First we saw a really cool wave aquarium. There were starfish, barnacles, fish, crabs, etc. and the waves were really cool. Mikey thought it was stupid.
Next stop was the tide pool exhibit. Here you could touch the animals and see them from pretty close up. Aaron and I touched starfish, poked sea cucumbers and had our fingers sucked by anemones. Mikey wasn't putting his hand in that water because something might bite it. However, he had seen a picture of an eel and he really wanted to see that. Out of nowhere, a curator steps up and informs Mikey that there are no eels in the tide pool exhibit. Mikey tells her he sees an eel. "See, it's right there!"
"No," she says. "That's not an eel. This guy has fins and eel's don't have fins. Do you see that?"
Believe me, Mikey saw that. He was very disappointed that he didn't see his eel. He had had enough of the tide pools.
We moved on to the jelly fish exhibit, which was very cool. It was a Plexiglas arch that the jelly fish swim through. The boys had their pictures taken in the jellyfish model.
From there we moved on to see the Giant Pacific Octopus. There were two of them, one who was named Dolores. The boys were briefly amused by Dolores when she decided to move from one aquarium to another, connected by a tube. Seems Dolores just isn't in shape anymore and she got stuck. Much laughter ensued.
Our next stop was the diving gear area. The kids were allowed to try on dive gear and have their pictures taken. Aaron was quite content to try on the top, hood and flippers. Mikey wanted the whole nine yards. This was quite a feat since 1) Mikey was fully dressed and 2) the dive suit was about six times too big for him. After much pushing, pulling, tugging and struggling, the suit was on. Then he needed the hood. And the flippers. And the buoyancy vest. Yes, we spent a good 30 minutes trying on dive gear. And then it was time for lunch.
Lunch presented its own problems, as Mikey didn't bring one. Fortunately, one of the other kids in the class had ordered a lunch from the cafeteria and brought one from home, so Mikey got a lunch. Unfortunately, Mikey's sandwich smelled bad. And he doesn't like applesauce. And he only eats carrots with Ranch, which we didn't have. He ended up eating a package of goldfish crackers and most of Aaron's Cheet-os. At one point he did try a bite of the offending sandwich (turkey and cheese on white, no mayo, no mustard, no nothing) and he promptly spit it out. On the floor.
The sea birds exhibit didn't go over well with Mikey either. Aaron and I thought the puffins were adorable, but Mikey thought they were boring. Ditto for the otters, seals and salmon. By this time I was ready to throttle little Mikey, but we'd only been at the aquarium for an hour and I figured it was much too early for throttling.
Because the people who built the aquarium are sick vultures, scheming for every dime, we exited the otter/seal exhibit directly into the aquarium gift shop. Mikey asked me four times why I didn't bring any money along to buy him a toy. Four times. I told him that the next time he goes on a field trip he better tell his mom to send money for toys, because I won't be bringing any then either.
The Underwater Dome was very cool. We saw many different kinds of fish and even, much to my delight, a wolf eel!
"Mikey, look!" I said. "It's a wolf eel!"
"That's not an eel," Mikey said. "It has fins. See! Eels don't have fins."
A lady on the bench beside us interrupted us. "Other eels don't have fins, but wolf eels do." Bless her heart.
But Mikey was having none of it. "That other lady told us eels don't have fins. And that fish, he said, pointing, "has fins. I want to see a real eel."
Not deterred, the lovely lady told Mikey: "Well, when you get home you'll have to look on the Internet for a real eel."
Mikey replied "I don't live with her. I live somewhere else."
My new best friend caught on quickly. Looking directly at me she said, "Well lucky you!"
"Yes," I replied. "Very lucky me."
The rest of our visit was fairly uneventful, except when Mikey lost his "ticket." He had picked up a brochure somewhere along the line and couldn't find it. He mistakenly thought I would take him through the entire aquarium again, looking for it. Not gonna happen, kid. He was pretty miffed, but by then it was almost time to go home.
All in all, Aaron and I did have a good time. But I'm taking my kids back this summer when we can really enjoy it.
And one thing is certain.......Mikey has been crossed of the list of potential play dates.
I've never met Mikey before, but I was pretty pleased that the teacher had enough chaperons that we only each had two kids to watch out for. With five- and six-year-olds any more than two is just awful.
Once at the aquarium, I got the boys' name tags on and advised them that they had to stay near me; I wanted them to be able to see me and me to see them. Apparently this went in one ear and out the other, as you can imagine. First we saw a really cool wave aquarium. There were starfish, barnacles, fish, crabs, etc. and the waves were really cool. Mikey thought it was stupid.
Next stop was the tide pool exhibit. Here you could touch the animals and see them from pretty close up. Aaron and I touched starfish, poked sea cucumbers and had our fingers sucked by anemones. Mikey wasn't putting his hand in that water because something might bite it. However, he had seen a picture of an eel and he really wanted to see that. Out of nowhere, a curator steps up and informs Mikey that there are no eels in the tide pool exhibit. Mikey tells her he sees an eel. "See, it's right there!"
"No," she says. "That's not an eel. This guy has fins and eel's don't have fins. Do you see that?"
Believe me, Mikey saw that. He was very disappointed that he didn't see his eel. He had had enough of the tide pools.
We moved on to the jelly fish exhibit, which was very cool. It was a Plexiglas arch that the jelly fish swim through. The boys had their pictures taken in the jellyfish model.
From there we moved on to see the Giant Pacific Octopus. There were two of them, one who was named Dolores. The boys were briefly amused by Dolores when she decided to move from one aquarium to another, connected by a tube. Seems Dolores just isn't in shape anymore and she got stuck. Much laughter ensued.
Our next stop was the diving gear area. The kids were allowed to try on dive gear and have their pictures taken. Aaron was quite content to try on the top, hood and flippers. Mikey wanted the whole nine yards. This was quite a feat since 1) Mikey was fully dressed and 2) the dive suit was about six times too big for him. After much pushing, pulling, tugging and struggling, the suit was on. Then he needed the hood. And the flippers. And the buoyancy vest. Yes, we spent a good 30 minutes trying on dive gear. And then it was time for lunch.
Lunch presented its own problems, as Mikey didn't bring one. Fortunately, one of the other kids in the class had ordered a lunch from the cafeteria and brought one from home, so Mikey got a lunch. Unfortunately, Mikey's sandwich smelled bad. And he doesn't like applesauce. And he only eats carrots with Ranch, which we didn't have. He ended up eating a package of goldfish crackers and most of Aaron's Cheet-os. At one point he did try a bite of the offending sandwich (turkey and cheese on white, no mayo, no mustard, no nothing) and he promptly spit it out. On the floor.
The sea birds exhibit didn't go over well with Mikey either. Aaron and I thought the puffins were adorable, but Mikey thought they were boring. Ditto for the otters, seals and salmon. By this time I was ready to throttle little Mikey, but we'd only been at the aquarium for an hour and I figured it was much too early for throttling.
Because the people who built the aquarium are sick vultures, scheming for every dime, we exited the otter/seal exhibit directly into the aquarium gift shop. Mikey asked me four times why I didn't bring any money along to buy him a toy. Four times. I told him that the next time he goes on a field trip he better tell his mom to send money for toys, because I won't be bringing any then either.
The Underwater Dome was very cool. We saw many different kinds of fish and even, much to my delight, a wolf eel!
"Mikey, look!" I said. "It's a wolf eel!"
"That's not an eel," Mikey said. "It has fins. See! Eels don't have fins."
A lady on the bench beside us interrupted us. "Other eels don't have fins, but wolf eels do." Bless her heart.
But Mikey was having none of it. "That other lady told us eels don't have fins. And that fish, he said, pointing, "has fins. I want to see a real eel."
Not deterred, the lovely lady told Mikey: "Well, when you get home you'll have to look on the Internet for a real eel."
Mikey replied "I don't live with her. I live somewhere else."
My new best friend caught on quickly. Looking directly at me she said, "Well lucky you!"
"Yes," I replied. "Very lucky me."
The rest of our visit was fairly uneventful, except when Mikey lost his "ticket." He had picked up a brochure somewhere along the line and couldn't find it. He mistakenly thought I would take him through the entire aquarium again, looking for it. Not gonna happen, kid. He was pretty miffed, but by then it was almost time to go home.
All in all, Aaron and I did have a good time. But I'm taking my kids back this summer when we can really enjoy it.
And one thing is certain.......Mikey has been crossed of the list of potential play dates.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Spring Has Sprung
Apparently spring is a different animal here in the Pacific Northwest than in other places I've lived. Last Saturday it was a gorgeous 80 degrees with tons of sunshine. Today it's snowing off and on. Welcome to Washington.
Since we've moved here I've heard the phrase "Just wait until summer. Summers here are fantastic" more times than I can count. And I'm beginning to think everyone has been lying to me. Or maybe they really do mean summer is wonderful, as opposed to spring. Maybe summer doesn't actually start here until the end of June (God, please don't let this be true).
The weather here is really starting to get ridiculous. My tulips are trying to bloom and they're now covered with snow. The cherry trees are sporting their fragrant pink blossoms....and they're covered with snow. Even without the snow, I can count the number of sunny days we've had since we've been here on one hand. That's no lie. Contrary to popular belief, it does not always rain here, but it is almost never sunny. At least not until June, I guess.......
Since we've moved here I've heard the phrase "Just wait until summer. Summers here are fantastic" more times than I can count. And I'm beginning to think everyone has been lying to me. Or maybe they really do mean summer is wonderful, as opposed to spring. Maybe summer doesn't actually start here until the end of June (God, please don't let this be true).
The weather here is really starting to get ridiculous. My tulips are trying to bloom and they're now covered with snow. The cherry trees are sporting their fragrant pink blossoms....and they're covered with snow. Even without the snow, I can count the number of sunny days we've had since we've been here on one hand. That's no lie. Contrary to popular belief, it does not always rain here, but it is almost never sunny. At least not until June, I guess.......
Saturday, March 08, 2008
I Still Live in Heathenville
Today was proof that Heathenville really is a state of mind. Aaron and has been sick all week with a nasty cold. Yesterday Mike came home from work with a temperature of 101.4 and was feeling really lousy. Today I had to take Marissah to get her fabric for home living class (they're sewing pillowcases) and needed to return some books to the library. Being a nice wife (and Mommy) I took both Marissah and Micah along so Mike would have it pretty quiet here in the house while I was gone.
We hit the library and decided we'd take "the back way" to Wal-Mart. This is no big deal because Stacie (my navigation system, so named because she's quite bossy, just like another Stacie I know) leads me wherever I want to go. We were almost to Wally World, stuck at a monster red light with tons of cars ahead of us when Micah pukes. Oh. My. God. Tell me he didn't do that. But, alas, he did.
I did some quick calculating and reconnoitering. If I turned right at this light the Goodwill store was a block away. Right next to it is a Dollar Store. We pulled in the parking lot and I issued orders: "Micah stay right where you are. Marissah, take this money and go buy your brother a bottle of water or a bottle of Gatorade from the Dollar Store. I'm going into the Goodwill to buy a towel."
As I was checking out at the Goodwill with my lovely fuchsia towel (it was the biggest and fluffiest I could find. I figured it'd be very absorbent and I wasn't wrong.), the lady asked me if I needed a bag. I don't know if I looked harried or what, but I assured her that I did need a bag and off I went.
When I got back to the van (where Micah was locked in, of course), Marissah was back with his water. I set to work cleaning up the puke (which had lovely chunks of hot dog in it-TMI?) and I started gagging. Marissah kept telling me I was fine. I agreed with her. Until, suddenly, I wasn't and I was puking all over the parking lot. Marissah started screaming, I kept puking and Micah just kept watching. Between heaves I tried to assure Marissah that I was fine. In the midst of this, I heard her tell Micah: "See, this is why I don't like you, Micah!" If I hadn't been so busy up-chucking I would have laughed.
Finally I was done puking up my Campbell's Zesty Azteca Meatball soup (TMI again?) and finished cleaning up Micah's mess. I used the bottle of water to first rinse my mouth and then I poured some directly on the floor of the van so I could blot more puke up. Oh, what fun. I then bagged the towel in the Goodwill bag and tied it shut because there was no trashcan to be seen and I didn't want to risk being found next to a big pile of puke in the parking lot.
We did go to Wal-Mart. Micah said he "felt much better" after his puking and I really didn't want to drive him all the way home and come all the way back again. Turns out Marissah was crying because she figured this meant I was sick and wouldn't be taking her to get her fabric. Silly girl, Mommy wasn't sick, she just can't see a pile of vomit without adding her own.
When we arrived at Wal-Mart I found that I had yet another battle to fight. Marissah had decided she couldn't go inside because her mascara (wearing make-up is new to her....like she's been doing it for about two weeks now) had run all over her face while she was crying. Okay, this is ridiculous. I assure her she doesn't look that bad, but she says she needs to wash her face. The first time in this child's entire life that she wants to wash her face and I can't scrounge up so much as a used napkin in the van. I do however have a lovely, absorbent fuchsia towel, but she wont' go for that. I even offered her one of the untouched-by-vomit corners, but it wasn't happening. In the end, she walked into Wal-Mart with her coat pulled up to cover her face, a la the perp walk you see on the nightly news. Oh yes, it really was that bad. She's thirteen, remember. When we got into the store we went directly to the restroom where one swoop of a wet paper towel on each cheek was all that was required to restore her beauty.
We got what we needed. The Goodwill bag and the fuchsia towel were dumped into the trashcan in the Wal-Mart parking lot. We arrived home with no more puke. Ah, if there's anything to be said for living with a houseful of heathens, it's that there's never a dull moment.
We hit the library and decided we'd take "the back way" to Wal-Mart. This is no big deal because Stacie (my navigation system, so named because she's quite bossy, just like another Stacie I know) leads me wherever I want to go. We were almost to Wally World, stuck at a monster red light with tons of cars ahead of us when Micah pukes. Oh. My. God. Tell me he didn't do that. But, alas, he did.
I did some quick calculating and reconnoitering. If I turned right at this light the Goodwill store was a block away. Right next to it is a Dollar Store. We pulled in the parking lot and I issued orders: "Micah stay right where you are. Marissah, take this money and go buy your brother a bottle of water or a bottle of Gatorade from the Dollar Store. I'm going into the Goodwill to buy a towel."
As I was checking out at the Goodwill with my lovely fuchsia towel (it was the biggest and fluffiest I could find. I figured it'd be very absorbent and I wasn't wrong.), the lady asked me if I needed a bag. I don't know if I looked harried or what, but I assured her that I did need a bag and off I went.
When I got back to the van (where Micah was locked in, of course), Marissah was back with his water. I set to work cleaning up the puke (which had lovely chunks of hot dog in it-TMI?) and I started gagging. Marissah kept telling me I was fine. I agreed with her. Until, suddenly, I wasn't and I was puking all over the parking lot. Marissah started screaming, I kept puking and Micah just kept watching. Between heaves I tried to assure Marissah that I was fine. In the midst of this, I heard her tell Micah: "See, this is why I don't like you, Micah!" If I hadn't been so busy up-chucking I would have laughed.
Finally I was done puking up my Campbell's Zesty Azteca Meatball soup (TMI again?) and finished cleaning up Micah's mess. I used the bottle of water to first rinse my mouth and then I poured some directly on the floor of the van so I could blot more puke up. Oh, what fun. I then bagged the towel in the Goodwill bag and tied it shut because there was no trashcan to be seen and I didn't want to risk being found next to a big pile of puke in the parking lot.
We did go to Wal-Mart. Micah said he "felt much better" after his puking and I really didn't want to drive him all the way home and come all the way back again. Turns out Marissah was crying because she figured this meant I was sick and wouldn't be taking her to get her fabric. Silly girl, Mommy wasn't sick, she just can't see a pile of vomit without adding her own.
When we arrived at Wal-Mart I found that I had yet another battle to fight. Marissah had decided she couldn't go inside because her mascara (wearing make-up is new to her....like she's been doing it for about two weeks now) had run all over her face while she was crying. Okay, this is ridiculous. I assure her she doesn't look that bad, but she says she needs to wash her face. The first time in this child's entire life that she wants to wash her face and I can't scrounge up so much as a used napkin in the van. I do however have a lovely, absorbent fuchsia towel, but she wont' go for that. I even offered her one of the untouched-by-vomit corners, but it wasn't happening. In the end, she walked into Wal-Mart with her coat pulled up to cover her face, a la the perp walk you see on the nightly news. Oh yes, it really was that bad. She's thirteen, remember. When we got into the store we went directly to the restroom where one swoop of a wet paper towel on each cheek was all that was required to restore her beauty.
We got what we needed. The Goodwill bag and the fuchsia towel were dumped into the trashcan in the Wal-Mart parking lot. We arrived home with no more puke. Ah, if there's anything to be said for living with a houseful of heathens, it's that there's never a dull moment.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Stacie visits Seattle
Yes, that's right! Auntie Cee Cee came to Seattle for a visit and we had a fabulous time! The kids were thrilled to see her, to say the least. She did not, however, make them the Buckeyes Micah so desperately wanted. She did make Autumn Chowder (delicious, cheesy soup) and egg bake (her own special recipe).
On Friday Stacie, Marissah and I went to the Seattle Premium Outlets mall. Wow, what a great place! Too bad I can't afford Kenneth Cole even at outlet prices. Lots of great stores there, including Coach, Banana Republic, Michael Kors and Liz Claiborne. We bought some goodies at Harry and David's (yum!) and Marissah had a wonderful time at Claire's (big surprise).
On Saturday Stacie and I went to Pike Place Market. We had a great time, in spite of getting accosted by many weirdos. Apparently my sister attracts them like honey attracts flies. One of them was even surprised to learn she was "English" and opposed to Hispanic. Because you know, with her blonde hair and fair skin she looks SO Latin. He started speaking Spanish to her and was surprised when she didn't reply in kind. He bummed a cigarette off of her and then tried to give it back five minutes later. Um, no thanks, dude!
Off on a little tangent here......Neither Stacie nor I have ever felt so completely conspicuous as smokers as we did in Seattle. I don't think *anyone* smokes in this state. Whilst having a smoke outside of Pike Place Market we were even coughed at. Talk about passive-aggressive. It was weird to feel so out of place.
We ate so much at Pike Place Market that I thought I was going to explode. We sampled everything from goat cheese to dark chocolate fettuccine (it wasn't that bad, but it wasn't great either) to rose petal jelly (that was disgusting). For lunch we had a seafood feast. Stacie had clam chowder, oyster shooters, seviche and steamed clams. I had clam chowder, steamed mussels and Dungeness crab cakes. I also had some of Stacie's seviche and it's now my new favorite food. Oh, it was so delicious. I need to find a good recipe and make it for myself this summer. We ended up buying some delicious cheese: a garlic and dill chevre and a rosemary and garlic feta. I am so decadent that I put the chevre on my ham sandwiches and feel not one ounce of guilt. It is that good.
And back to our visit with Stacie, on Sunday she and I took the kids on the ferry to Whidbey Island. The ferry ride was fun. It wasn't too long, only about 20 minutes. We went to a beach and found shells, rocks, and even brought home a hitchhiker in the form of a teeny, tiny crab. When I say "teeny, tiny" I really mean it-it was smaller than the very tip of Stacie's index finger. Stacie named him Hitch and we fed him some hamburger after a quick Google to see what crabs eat. And then he promptly died. Oh well. We had a lovely funeral in the bathroom and Aaron loved being flusher.
On Monday I took Stacie to her hotel so she could get on with the real reason for this trip: WORK! Unfortunately, I dropped her off at the wrong hotel. Fortunately, the right hotel was just a few feet away. I mean, really, who puts a Holiday Inn next to a Holiday Inn Express and just expects people to know the difference?????? Sheesh!
We really had a great time-at least I hope she had as much fun as I did. I hope she'll come visit again. Maybe next time we'll remember to look for Mt Rainier.
On Friday Stacie, Marissah and I went to the Seattle Premium Outlets mall. Wow, what a great place! Too bad I can't afford Kenneth Cole even at outlet prices. Lots of great stores there, including Coach, Banana Republic, Michael Kors and Liz Claiborne. We bought some goodies at Harry and David's (yum!) and Marissah had a wonderful time at Claire's (big surprise).
On Saturday Stacie and I went to Pike Place Market. We had a great time, in spite of getting accosted by many weirdos. Apparently my sister attracts them like honey attracts flies. One of them was even surprised to learn she was "English" and opposed to Hispanic. Because you know, with her blonde hair and fair skin she looks SO Latin. He started speaking Spanish to her and was surprised when she didn't reply in kind. He bummed a cigarette off of her and then tried to give it back five minutes later. Um, no thanks, dude!
Off on a little tangent here......Neither Stacie nor I have ever felt so completely conspicuous as smokers as we did in Seattle. I don't think *anyone* smokes in this state. Whilst having a smoke outside of Pike Place Market we were even coughed at. Talk about passive-aggressive. It was weird to feel so out of place.
We ate so much at Pike Place Market that I thought I was going to explode. We sampled everything from goat cheese to dark chocolate fettuccine (it wasn't that bad, but it wasn't great either) to rose petal jelly (that was disgusting). For lunch we had a seafood feast. Stacie had clam chowder, oyster shooters, seviche and steamed clams. I had clam chowder, steamed mussels and Dungeness crab cakes. I also had some of Stacie's seviche and it's now my new favorite food. Oh, it was so delicious. I need to find a good recipe and make it for myself this summer. We ended up buying some delicious cheese: a garlic and dill chevre and a rosemary and garlic feta. I am so decadent that I put the chevre on my ham sandwiches and feel not one ounce of guilt. It is that good.
And back to our visit with Stacie, on Sunday she and I took the kids on the ferry to Whidbey Island. The ferry ride was fun. It wasn't too long, only about 20 minutes. We went to a beach and found shells, rocks, and even brought home a hitchhiker in the form of a teeny, tiny crab. When I say "teeny, tiny" I really mean it-it was smaller than the very tip of Stacie's index finger. Stacie named him Hitch and we fed him some hamburger after a quick Google to see what crabs eat. And then he promptly died. Oh well. We had a lovely funeral in the bathroom and Aaron loved being flusher.
On Monday I took Stacie to her hotel so she could get on with the real reason for this trip: WORK! Unfortunately, I dropped her off at the wrong hotel. Fortunately, the right hotel was just a few feet away. I mean, really, who puts a Holiday Inn next to a Holiday Inn Express and just expects people to know the difference?????? Sheesh!
We really had a great time-at least I hope she had as much fun as I did. I hope she'll come visit again. Maybe next time we'll remember to look for Mt Rainier.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)